Tucker's Tales


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It's time!!

Posted by Tara Bilby on October 24, 2013 at 11:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Like, basketball is right around the corner. Also, I will be posting from the persona of the gif below. My dissapointment of not being a toddler with a tiara has finally gotten to me.

Twerk on betches. Peace, love and Justin Bieber 4eVeR.

Let's talk about selfies baby

Posted by Tara Bilby on April 7, 2013 at 8:30 PM Comments comments (0)

Social Media sites start as one thing and turn into something completely different once they gain popularity. Take facebook for an example: it used to be a great place to connect with friends, now it is a great place to post pictures of a woman's uterus. The newest site that is beginning to change is instagram. Selfies have always been around, but Instagram has encouraged more of them recently. You can't get on instagram without seeing a selfie of someone. And then there's Snap Chat, which was basically created for selfies, especially the raunchier side of selfies. Believe it or not, selfies are changing the world. Thanks to selfies more pictures are taken in a bathroom then anywhere else. There are a lot of different types of people when it comes to selfies and I will list them below....

A Selfie Newbie: A new and confused person entering the world of Selfies..

The Ally Tucker's of the web: The Ally Tucker's of the web hate despise selfies and will announce their disdain loud and proud.

That one dick would be someone who fits in this category.

The selfie taker who thinks a guy is going to be happy and turned on seeing 100 photos of her on their phone, most of these include cleavage. If it doesn't include cleavage, the guy will go from satisfied to annoyed very easily.


The Belieber: This group of people are very loyal Justin Beiber fans stalkers. They do everything Justin does. If Justin takes a selfie... they better take a selfie too.

The duck face selfie: this category fits the majority of selfie photographers. The majority of women today believe that if they pucker their lips like a duck they become instantly more attractive.

A skill that they're teaching their babies...

The "I work out, have muscles, and think that taking a picture of me showing that will get me women" selfie:

Tip for guys: Selfie's like those above are not cute. Buy a puppy or something and use that as your prop, not your 10 pack abs.

The Drunk Selfie: doesn't need an explanation

Disclaimer: I'm not 100% sure the above girls were drunk when they took their selfies and posted it online... but I sure hope they were.

Selfies of "The Older Generation": These our elders, who have learned to embrace selfies the best way they can

Selfies have come and with the advancement of camera phones, selfies are here to stay. Get with the times. If the selfie of the grandmother and her granddaughter doesn't make the ally tucker's of the web appreciate the art of selfies, then nothing ever will.

How You Know The World Is Ending

Posted by Tara Bilby on May 30, 2012 at 10:25 PM Comments comments (1)

That's it folks, finish building your bunkers, stock up on some more soup, chop down your last trees for fire wood, the world as we know it is coming to an end. I never thought I would join the crazies in thinking that 2012 would be my last hoo-rah.. but the time has come. I am welcomed by those in radio active masks, the Boo Radley's of our generation, they welcome me with peace...

The final nail on this world's coffin was just nailed in. (take nail as a noun or verb as you wish). Shaun White hooked up with Bar Rafaeli. *takes pause from writing post while I grab another tissue*

There is so much that is wrong with this world, but that just moved into the top five. I had my moments where I thought the time was nearing before now. But I tried to push them to the side, tried to listen to the "normal people" well I'm done listening to the "normal people" damnit!  It's time everyone starts listening to the Mayans. Maybe they were the equivalent then to what the New Jersey psychic is now. Need more proof then Shaun White and Bar? I'll give you the proof. Here they are, signs that people can no longer ignore, signs that the world is coming to an end...

Snooki conceived a child.

Ally Tucker admitted to liking a Taylor Swift song.

Drew Franklin gave up Taco Bell.

Amanda Bynes was arrested for a DUI.

Miley Cyrus hasn't been arrested for a DUI.

Drew Franklin gave up Taco Bell.

John Travolta found pleasure in activities that weren't dancing.

Kim Kardashian is dating someone that isn't an athlete.

Blu Ivy has yet to release a baby lullaby track of her mumbling.

YOLO became popular this year.

... Did I mention Drew Franklin gave up Tace Bell?

And then of course there's this..

I'll save you room in my bunker if you bring the booze.

Greetings From The Womb

Posted by Tara Bilby on May 9, 2012 at 9:45 AM Comments comments (0)

If you have been on Facebook recently, there are 2 things that I am sure you have seen. Pictures of shoes, and pictures of children  fetus aliens in the womb. We all look back on our childhood and can remember exact moments when you think NOOO! MOM!!... HOW COULD YOU?!

Thank. God. Facebook wasn't around in my parents days. I would like to think my parents wouldn't be the type to put pictures of my moms inners on the interweb.. but pride and love for your children make you do a lot of weird and unusual things. With every womb picture I see.. a piece of my heart goes out to the little child who sees a picture of themself in the womb for the first time.

I understand wanting to update your friends on the progress of your child, but let's face it.. about 60% of your Facebook friends aren't really friends. 5% are ex boyfriends or girlfriends, 10% are current significant others of those ex boyfriends or girlfriends and the rest are just people who want to creep on your pictures (the only thing Facebook has left going for it now that Twitter has taken over). Now do you think these people want to creep on pictures of your uterus? 

Things need to change. If you want to update me on your child's progress here are some appropriate ways of doing so:

Tell me what size your child is by comparing them to fruit.

As your child grows, Simply post, "my child is size egg today." "my child is moving up in the world, my child is now a size Cantaloupe." "My child has moved to size cantaloup to size watermelon." I would geniunly be interested in what size fruit your child currently is on a monthly basis. This is the type of stuff that interests me.

Tell me what organ or body part has developed that week,

As your child grows its spine simply post "my child now has a backbone. #badass #takingaftertheirmother."

As they begin kicking say "my child is already starting to kick me... a rebel and she doesnt even have hair yet."

When your child is born, it is then appropriate to post a picture of the badass/rebel that I have pictured in my head as coming out with a bandana, and a few tattoos.

Tucker's Tales Fans Want Recruiting News

Posted by Ally Tucker on April 30, 2012 at 10:30 PM Comments comments (3)

Remember us? We have taken a hiatus from Tucker's Tales for the past few months due to a new gig with KSR College. The time has come though to kick start Tucker's Tales once again with the addition of some fresh blood. Our 2012 recruiting class includes two of the top blogging prospects in the country county. 

TARA BILBY  5'7, 5'8, 5'9? pretty tall   Berea, Ky  

Tara Bilby first caught the eye of the Tucker's Tales recruiting gurus with her clever/witty work on KSR College. Bilby was actually very pro-active in her recruitment though, reaching out to Tucker's Tales a few weeks ago to proclaim her interest in the position. Though Bilby has verbally committed to Tucker's Tales, we are still waiting on her to fax her letter of intent. 

Strengths: Impeccable 3-goggle form, knows when to bold em' and when to fold em' in her blog entries, fromances on Twitter, knows every word to the song "The Motto," group texting, white blazers, typing 10 page papers in backseats on the way to New Orleans, her grandma and grandpa etc. 

Weaknesses: Low volume on podcasts, cordial interaction with Mississippi State fans, guys with fatheads, doesn't believe that Rose did anything wrong by not giving a more valiant effort to let Jack share the door with her at the end of Titanic, inability to accept Twitter After Dark, GPS devices, lack of knowledge of Simon Birch, finger piercings, etc. 

HAYLEY MINOGUE    5'7, 5'8, 5'9? Damn, she's pretty tall too...    Doesn't Exist, Ky

Hayley Minogue, like Bilby, also first caught the attention of Tucker's Tales while blogging for KSR College. Hayley has a quirky sense of humor, cleverly sprinkled with the occasional hashtag. Hayley is still a bit reluctant to pull the trigger and make her commitment to Tucker's Tales. She will decide tomorrow via Twitter, probably after school. Expect Head Coach Ally Tucker and Assistant Coach Kristen Geil to put on the full court press with the recruitment process tonight. We will likely exceed the legal number of alloted text messages allowed in the recruiting process. Screw you, NCAA Freewebs.com. We don't care about your rules. 

Strengths:  Loyalty to the Big Mac, emojies, tested negative for #L1C4, Twitter, her Boyfriend, her other boyfriend Elroy, her other boyfriend Brad, her other boyfriend Nerlens, Dizzy Bat, ability to creepily lurk in the background of Wilder Eyes pictures, stomps the yard, etc.

Weaknesses:  Volunteers to make t-shirts but never follows through, casting calls, Twitter, dates a Louisville fan, confusing e-mail address, doesn't know who Rebecca Lobo is, use of caller ID, starts Twitter wars with U of L fans, shares a last name with Kylie Minogue, etc. 

Tucker's Tales Final Thoughts on the Bilby/Minogue Package: Both writers would be fine additions to the Tucker's Tales Staff. They have already proven themselves to be reliable bloggers, while also being two of the funniest/most clever/wittiest girls I've ever met. They have a knack for when to tweet, when to retweet and when to eat meat (never for Tara, after 2 a.m. for Hayley). Tara is also the only writer to ever have her post directly referenced to me by Stone Cold Willow. 

In all honesty, I have gotten to know these two girls through the KSR College #LaFamilia over the course of the past few months and my life has been better every day since. They are both a constant source of entertainment, hard work and friendship. I am pleased to announce that both will be interning here for us on TuckersTales.net. Please join me in giving them a warm welcome. 

P.s. Tara and Hayley, you might want to add "TT" to the end of your twitter handles. Just sayin'...



Podcast of the Commoner #4 - Adventures in Babysitting, "More Saving, More Doing", and So Little Time

Posted by Richmond Bramblet on February 5, 2012 at 12:35 AM Comments comments (0)

Finally we can give you Episode four of the Podcast of the Commoner. Kristen is on babysitting duty, while Tucker hands out a "Late Night Confession" from her luxurious sunroom. Dog Names, Women's Soccer and Turtleman all in this episode as well.



Follow Ally Tucker - @allytuckerKSR


Follow Kristen Geil - @kristengeilKSR


Check out KSR College


Ally Tucker!! It's her birthday!!

Posted by Kristen Geil on January 29, 2012 at 11:20 AM Comments comments (1)

As I sit in my apartment eating breakfast, reflecting on the fact that it is our founding mother's birthday, I knew that our celebration of Ally Tucker's birthday would not be complete without a list of some sort, preferably one with stolen images from Google interspersed throughout. Tucker's Talesians, I have come to create that list. In honor of her 26th birthday, here are 26 reasons I am thankful that Ally Tucker was born (good job Marcie and Cy!).

1. Since her favorite 50 cent song is "In Da Club," I have no doubt that she has the opening line stuck in her head at some point today. 

2. She rallied our friends to attend Chinoe Pub karaoke night and made us lifelong regulars and favorites of Eva, Kenny McKenny, and Demetri. Moreso, she somehow didn't have us attend on the night that a gun was pulled in the parking lot. 

3. Ally texts my mom and my sister with the same frequency that I do. We also have a group text going between me, Rachel, and Ally. Sounds goofy, but I really do love the fact that she and my family and adopted each other whole-heartedly. It's precious. 

4. Whole-heartedly embraces the constant use of emojis.

5. During the KSR College selection process, Ally was constantly reassuring me that we were good enough writers to get on the site and that whatever happened, we had a good thing with Tucker's Tales.

6. Now that we are on the site, she is the most dedicated editor anyone could ever ask for. She works harder than anyone else, and everyone appreciates her for it.

8. She sends me a goodnight emoji every night.

9. She started her own Breakfast Club, and her notes that have come out of it are funny, sincere, and heartwarming. They are really special to read.

10. Appreciates my constant picture messages of food I have cooked.

11. Will send me play-by-play texts of UK games when I can't watch it myself.

12. Shares my love of "old man search" on Twitter.

13. Attended the Michael Jackson tribute skate at Champs dressed as The Man In The Mirror himself. If that's not amazing, I don't know what is.

14. Want to go mudsliding in back circle in the freezing rain at midnight? Ally will go with you.

(Side note- the mud makes it look like I have a unibrow to rival Davis's)

15. Jortsed the Walking Man outside of the Lex- despite the freezing rain and hail.

(Ally, we need to get this on KSR College at some point)

16. Usher concert in Columbus? Ally is down like Chinatown.

17. She leads the anti-swag movement with confidence and bravado.


18. Constantly calls out the Griffin twins on Twitter... someone has to do it.

19. Had the best radio show of all time during my freshman year of college; it resulted in an unhealthy obsession with Robot Ponies. 

20. Currently co-hosts the best podcast of all time with me, resulting in an unhealthy obsession with our intro music.

21. Appreciates my childhood diary in all its uncensored glory.

22. Once serenaded her parents at Monday Night Karaoke to "You Raise Me Up;" thought it would be goofy but instead it drew tears of joy and love.

23. Best Halloween costume ideas ever. Yup, I said it.

24. Valiantly dedicated to our Fantasy Football league despite that fact that she and my mom were the only ones who made much effort (probably the only thing she's started that hasn't caught on like wildfire, except maybe our Forrer computer lab attempt at starting a spinoff blog for diary entries...)

25. These are the results of google-imaging Ally Tucker:

Pretty damn accurate.

26. Asking "What Would Ally Tucker Do?" will in most cases give you the same answer as "What Would Michael Kidd-Gilchrist Do?" And that's pretty much the highest compliment I can give.

Happy birthday Ally! Love ya, mean it. Pound, blue heart. 

The Song That Changed My Life

Posted by Kristen Geil on January 23, 2012 at 5:50 PM Comments comments (2)

Hey guys! Before I get into blogging, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has been reading Ally and me on KSRCollege.com as well as downloading our Richmond Bramblett-produced podcast. We've had a lot of fun with each so far and we couldn't have scored these great gigs without you as fans!

On our podcast last night, Ally and I took turns interviewing each other with some wacky, yet revealing questions. Even after we had hung up on Skype and texted our goodnight emojis, I lay awake, thinking of other questions I wish we had asked each other. Some of my favorites revolved around songs and music that has been significant in our lives. Like, I wish I'd asked Ally what was the first song she'd ever slow-danced to. Or what song she wants played at her funeral. Or what her favorite Eminem song is (to get some constrasting perspective to the 50 Cent question).

A potential question I kept coming back to was "What song has changed your life?" There are a hundred serious, heartfelt answers to this question, but my honest answer is nowhere near that realm. 

Let me set the scene. It was September of my freshman year of high school. After nine years of private Catholic school and all the restrictions that accompany such a lifestyle, I was fully enjoying wearing sweatpants to school and eating pizza dipped in ranch for lunch every day (I shudder at the memory). 

In Lexington, and in my neighborhood specifically, THE event of the month in September is Oktoberfest. For one magical weekend, the Christ the King parking lot and playground are transformed into a veritable wonderland of carnival games, inflatable rides, face painting, and "Attic Treasures," aka a pretty shitty garage sale. I had enjoyed it immensely during middle school, and this year would be no exception.

After browsing the raffle items, winning absolutely no prizes, tackling a tricky inflatable obstacle course, and eating a hot dog, I left Oktoberfest with my friends Carden and Derek to head to Graeter's. (O! Graeter's! How I long for you) It was then that I heard it- the thumping bass, the gravelly "da dum, da da da da da dum," the abrupt train-conductor like whistle, and finally, those unforgettable words...

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"Get Low" was the first time I had ever encountered the word crunk. It was the first time I had heard of the musical maven that is Lil Jon. It was the first time I had ever listened to a song that made me blush. Until then, my musical repetoire consisted of Backstreet Boys and BBMak. Upon hearing this song, I realized, "Oh my god. I'm a teenager now. I shall listen to crunk Southern hip hop and adopt it as my own." 

I think I heard my mother's wail from six blocks away.

Yes, readers, "Get Low" is the song that changed my life. It marked my entry into adolesence, into being a disheveled teenager without a care in the world, save the record of UK men's basketball (hey, some things never change). Moreso, it was probably the first rap song I ever listened to, and I haven't stopped since. Remember my persuasive speech that 2pac is still alive? Wouldn't have written it without Lil Jon. The Watch the Throne tour I went to last month? Wouldn't have cared if I hadn't heard "Get Low." My appreciation of the anthem "All I Do Is Win?" Wouldn't be so close to my heart if Lil Jon and Luda hadn't collaborated on Usher's "YEAH!"

Although my tastes have changed over the years, I still find myself with an extra little wiggle in my step when "Get Low" comes on my Pandora station. I hit the thumbs up button, knowing that move will probably result in "Booty Wurk (Left Cheek Right Cheek)" playing immediately after. And I smile and silently thank Lil Jon for facilitating my journey into adulthood and enriching my life as a whole.

I bet that's a sentence you never thought you'd read. 

Podcast of the Commoner #2 - Johnny Depp, Larry Lester, & Yiggy Yes Yallin'

Posted by Richmond Bramblet on January 19, 2012 at 9:55 AM Comments comments (1)

The Second Edition of the "Podcast of the Commoner" is here!!!

Direct Download:  Click Here

Subscribe on iTunes:  Click Here

Check out as Ally and Kristen talk about all sorts of subjects from KSR College (did you know they write for that site too?), The Breakfast Club, John Wall Dance vs. Three Goggles, plus People's News and Views.  (I also have a hard time coming up with three reasons that LL Cool J should host the Grammy's)

Note:  There is a litlle problem with Kristen's audio, it does get better through the podcast.  But, we're trying to record from three different locations at the same time, and still working out the kinks.  It will get better and thanks for listening!

99 Problems, Being Rich Ain't One

Posted by Kristen Geil on January 16, 2012 at 4:10 PM Comments comments (0)

If you listened to our podcast, or if you logged onto the Internet, read a newspaper, or turned on the television in the past week in general, you know that Blue Ivy Carter was born last week to the couple I consider my adopted parents, Jay-Z and Beyonce. In one of my favorite Internet posts to date, the Thought Catalog once speculated as to what Jay-Z's 99 problems were. Here, I came up with a list of potential problems Blue Ivy Carter faces in her life because let's face it, being rich ain't one of them. 

Note: 99 seemed like a very large number and we weren't sure you guys would actually read the whole list. So we dumbed it down for ya.

1. Colic. 

2. Dislikes the taste of breast milk.

3. Parents are donating all of her baby gifts to charity, even the stuffed elephant she already fell in love with.

4. Was a little overweight coming out of the womb; worried that she will not lose her baby fat.

5. Jaden Smith is SOOOOOO CUTE, but does he LIKE her like her?

6. Stressed over whether her first word will be "mama" or "dada"; considering throwing caution to the wind and making it "Kanye."

7. Secretly enjoyed listening to Taylor Swift while in utero

8. Flat feet; will never be able to comfortably wear high heels like Mommy.

9. What if Dad secretly wishes she were a boy?

10. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

11. Lack of African-American female role models in the media.

12. Already facing pressure to be a good dancer.

13. Accidentally spit up on Lady Gaga the other day. Very embarrassed.

14. Wants to go to a UK game but is worried that the noise level will be too high for her sensitive newborn ears.

15. What does "swag" mean?

16. Parents are interviewing potential nannies; they all seem equally crazed and star-struck.

17. Newborn diapers are not very stylish; especially dislikes the Elmo pattern she is currently wearing.

18. On the same note, diapers aren't flattering either; high cut and bunching at the waist is anything but slimming.

19. Baby food sucks.

20. Wants desperately to play with her parents' dog but they won't allow it.

21. Concerned that her mom secretly resents her for ruining her body and making her take time off from tour

22. Guilt over her mother's previous miscarriage and depression over the notion that had the first baby been born, she might not exist.

23. What charity should she affiliate herself with?

24. Wondering how early is too early to start writing a memoir

25. Undecided on whether she should pursue a career in the arts or if that would be too cliche

26. Lots of tough competition to get into a great nursery school in New York

27. Boogeyman- real or imaginary?

28. Doesn't know how to jailbreak iPhone, which is used only for tweets.

29. Society and media falsely accusing parents of throwing tantrums stopping other families from seeing their newborns in the hospital

30. Wasn't fully prepared for her first picture to be taken; hair and makeup could have been vastly improved.

(I have no idea if this is real or not. I'm guessing not)

31. Can't count to 99 and thus, can't count all of her problems.